Relation To A Character

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            The story Coming Home Again written by Chang-rae Lee felt like it was written directly to me in many ways. It spoke of a family and relationships and within it including love, regrets, frustration, and change. My story doesn’t exactly directly parallel it but it definitely had some similarities.

            About six years ago my grandfather passed away. He lived in Florida with grandma and she was his primary caretaker he wasn’t in bad shape or anything but she would do laundry, cooking, and organizing all aspects of their lives. So when he passed away she felt kind of useless and lonely so we moved her out here in California to live with me and my dad. I was living on my own in Santa Rosa but when she moved out here but I moved back home to help with family. The majority of the time while she was here she was doing pretty well. She went to her luncheons every other Monday and she also loved going to the River Rock casino every Tuesday for senior day. She also enjoyed cooking and taking care of family very much.

            During her time with us in California she taught me how to cook some of her favorite dishes and the recipes were not written down or recorded in a physical manner but the were in her mind. She didn’t have the best memory but some things she never forgot. She taught me how to make matzo ball soup, a family recipe for brisket, and some potato pancakes or latkes. The time we shared in the kitchen was priceless and it meant a lot to both of us even if she was a tough little lady from Brooklyn and she wasn’t always patient I knew she only meant well in her words and actions. As time went on she would get sick for a month or so but then make a full recovery. It wasn’t until the last six months she was here that her health really began to decline.

            She was always on oxygen but it wasn’t until this time that she started taking liquid medication and began losing her appetite. At night I could hear the rhythmic sound of her oxygen machine and with each pump of the machine I would envision that it was her lungs and when it would take a long gap between pumps I would get silent and still until I heard it again. Near the end of her life she would call out the names of passed loved ones as if she was getting closer to them or could feel their presence. The name calling would disturb me because I thought she was in distress or sad but when I would go check on her she was sound asleep laying in bed peacefully. It was when she got sick the role change completed its transformation from her being a caretaker to me and my dad taking care of her. It was hard for her she didn’t want to let go and change was a very hard thing for her to deal with. In fact she completely fought change and acted tuff about it but I believe she was sad and depressed. She would come in the kitchen as we would be preparing and cooking food and she would begin to get bossy and demanding but I took it with a grain of salt out of respect and love. In Jewish families the grandmother or bubby as I would call her is the matriarch of the family like in a herd of elephants. She was the strongest woman I have ever known besides my mother.

            She had always felt as if here in California with us wasn’t her home. The only time I had felt as if she could call it her home was when she was teaching me and telling me how to cook and take care of things in the kitchen. As if the kitchen brought her back to life a little bit or maybe it was the bond we had it made it feel like she was home.

            This feeling represented home much more than the physical structure with lived under. Just like in the story told by Chang-rae Lee home wasn’t an actual location it was the act of sharing time and space with loved ones. The kitchen and bond we both shared was home to her and me as well. Change is inevitable and she fought it most of the time except when cooking she was comfortable in the kitchen. But she didn’t accept change until the time she passed away. Now that she is gone the house feels very empty. I still listen for her oxygen machine but it is never on anymore. Like a life-force was ripped away from us and left us with an empty room but I know she is in a happier place and doesn’t have to suffer anymore. The bond in the kitchen though still remains I know she is with me. So please accept change or it will leave you behind.